Babies and beds

We are having two boys and are so excited!! They are both healthy and growing according to schedule. I am relieved that I do not have to learn how to French braid hair. On another note, our new bedroom set, including king-sized bed, was delivered today. Woohoo-so excited to go to bed tonight.

Blue or Pink

We find out in two days what the babies are! I am so excited that I can barely stand it. Maybe once we know what the babies are, we will have more luck coming up with names so we can stop calling them Baby A and Baby B.

It is hard to believe that I am already halfway through this pregnancy. With the exception of being in the hospital twice in the last two weeks, this has seemed pretty easy. No morning sickness, no bitchiness, no nausea, no swelling. Hopefully it continues this way.

Save the date cards were mailed last week for the baby shower. Tania did a fantastic job on them! Now I am rambling. My brain is feeling a little scrambled right now. I am just so excited to find out what the babies are!

Flutters and Dreams

I felt the babies for the first time today! There have been a few times in the last few weeks when I wondered if what I was feeling was a baby moving, but today there was no mistaking it. The only way I can explain it is that it felt like a wave rolling. It started on the right side and moved to the center. Then about a half hour later, I felt it in the center again. I am not sure if I did any work for the rest of the day; I just wanted to feel them again.

Last night I had one of those nights where it feels as if you are having the same dream all night long and no matter how many times you wake up, it just continues every time you go back to sleep. In each dream, I was having an ultrasound to find out the babies sexes and just as the doctor would say "Baby A is a....." I would wake up. This happened six or seven times last night and I woke up so frustrated. I do believe that if I had found out in my dream what the babies sexes are, it would have been accurate. Before we knew we were pregnant, I started having pregnancy dreams and then before we knew we were having twins, i started having twin dreams. I guess we will just have to wait for our next appointment on July 8th.

Our babies

Today I got to see and hear the babies again! They were all over the place, doing somersaults and cartwheels. I still can't believe that they look so much like babies and are still so tiny! I did get reprimanded for NOT GAINING ENOUGH WEIGHT. Everything I have read says that the ideal weight gain in the first trimester for twins is four pounds and since I have gained three and a half, I thought I was doing really well. The doctor actually said "you can't gain enough weight with twins. You better start packing on the pounds". I absolutely do not plan to pack on the pounds, but I can't even figure out how or when I could eat more food. I already feel like I am eating all the time, all day long. Next appointment is in five weeks and we will get to find out what they are!!

Nerves

Today I am 12 weeks pregnant! About a week and a half ago, I had my first appointment with the new doctor. I told her how nervous I have been that I was going to get bad news that day so she said she would check for heartbeats. Sure enough-they were both there loud and clear! I cried almost as much as the day we found out it was twins.

Now I am back to being nervous again. I have not had any serious pregnancy symptoms and it makes me nervous. No nausea, no morning sickness, no headaches. Everything I have read says that the absence of symptoms is not an indication that it will not be a healthy pregnancy, but it is so hard to remember that when you just don't feel pregnant.

For the last five days, I have had some pretty bad cramping. The doctor said not to worry unless I start bleeding which I have not. I weighed myself this morning and have lost 1.5 pounds which just made me more nervous. Once again, I am nervous that at the next appointment, they will give us bad news.

We are almost out of the first trimester and shouldn't have to worry about miscarriage anymore. I just want to feel pregnant!!

Next appointment is June 3.

Happier news

We are having two babies!

Happy news

We are having a baby!!!

Bloomsday Bull*!#@

I swore I would never do it. I never even did it when I lived in Spokane. In fact, my freshman year of high school my mom signed me up for it and sent me downtown by myself on the city bus, of all horrors. When I arrived downtown, I took one look at how many people were there, remembered that it wasn't even eight in the morning on a Sunday and promptly got back on the bus for home and told my mom that I couldn't find the starting line. And now, nineteen years later, when I live on the other side of the country, my best friend (which I am starting to seriously rethink) has convinced me to do Bloomsday with her and her mom. Now I have booked a plane ticket and registered online so I get the pleasure of walking, running or jogging a 12k race with fifty thousand other people! I asked Colleen if we could sign up to be in the stroller section but then a small argument ensued about who had to push the stroller and who got to ride. It is going to be an experience that I just might kill her for. I told her today that I can already hear her in the first mile asking "whose idea was this?" She agreed but added an expletive. I hate people, she hates people and her mom loves everyone. We will make a great team. Then she mentioned something about wearing funny hats. For the love of God, she just might die :)

My day got off on the wrong foot

I had court today for the first time with my new job. I was nervous and excited at the same time. Last night I went shopping so I could buy a blazer to look more professional for court. I even got up earlier than usual so that I could actually do my hair which I don't normally do. Got to work, gathered my files and off I went to meet with the judge and five attorneys. About three hours later, I was leaving the office to grab lunch and start my field visits. As soon as I stepped off the elevator and into the sunshine, I looked down and saw that I was wearing two different shoes!!

I cannot even believe that I did this. I was so embarrassed and immediately called my coworker who had gone to court with me. She, of course, thought it was hilarious. In my defense, I have two pairs of boots that are the same style, different colors. Plus, Caleb was off work today and when I was getting dressed he was still asleep so when I sat down on the bench at the end of the bed to put my shoes on, the lights were off. I totally blame him.

What I don't understand is not how I ended up with two wrong colors, but how I got a left and a right and not two lefts or two rights. My shoes are lined up in my closet by pairs, or so I thought. Luckily I was meeting Caleb at home for lunch so I did change my shoes before doing field visits. However, I remembered that I wore my black boots to work yesterday as well.

Or did I?

Crazy day

I was supposed to be going on vacation on Wednesday to visit Colleen now that she is home from her deployment, but a couple weeks ago she and I decided to postpone my trip as she is going to be busy at work. Today it turns out that I would not have been able to go anyway so I am pretty thankful that Collen and I made the decision, rather than being told by work that I could not go. Today I did my first emergency removal and placement into foster care. It was sure not the way I expected to spend my day. It took over the entire day. I didn't eat breakfast or lunch and had to do a ton of paperwork for our attorney. A few people stopped by my office to tell me that I had done a good job, including the Director of DSS which felt really good. There were times that I started to second-guess myself today, but overall, I am confident that I did a good job today and definitely earned my salary! Plus, tonight there are children who are in a safe place and that is all that really matters.

On another note, tomorrow brings another doctor's appointment. Keep your fingers crossed!

More Clomid

When a doctor tells you that they will call by the next morning at the latest, you should automatically know that you will have to call and remind him at four in the afternoon. So as not to bore you with any of the details, the cyst is nothing to worry about and fertility treatments start again tomorrow! Clomid has been increased to 100 mg per day and I will be taking it on cycle days 5-9 instead of days 3-7 in previous month. Another ultrasound is already scheduled for St. Patrick's Day to check follicle size. Maybe there will be something even more special on St. Patty's Day since that will be two years since Caleb and I started dating :)

I am a little nervous about increasing the dosage since last cycle I seemed to skate through without most of the side effects. The only effects I had last time were facial numbing for approx. twelve hours on day one and then night sweats for two days. Most reports show that majority of women have severe headaches, crying, and general bitchiness for 5 days. Keep your fingers crossed for us!

Frustrated

Just this morning, my friend Amy asked me how Caleb and I are doing with the infertility stuff and I was able to honestly say that we are doing fine and that we are not letting this take over our lives. That has honestly been true...until this afternoon.



I am currently on cycle day 33 with no period. This is the first cycle for Clomid and FSH. You can read all about it in the previous posting. I have learned so much about female reproductive issues since starting all of this that I am a little embarrassed that I didn't know this stuff before. My issue is anovulation which means I do not ovulate consistently. A woman's cycle has two stages, with the follicular phase being the first half of a cycle and the luteal phase is the second half. Apparently, the luteal phase cannot get screwed up, meaning that if you ovulate and there is no pregnancy, you WILL have a period within 14-16 days. It is the first half of the cycle that gets screwed up, prolonging ovulation, etc.



Knowing that, and after having three negative pregnancy tests within the last week, I don't understand how I can be 18 days post FSH injection and no period. I called the doctor today and explained what has been going on to his nurse, Christy who I think is awesome, she told me to come in to the office. My temperature has been elevated since the injection which can be a possible indicator of pregnancy if it continues with no period.



I went to the doctor today and of course, surprise of all surprises, I got to have another pelvic ultrasound examination. I really wasn't expecting him to say that I am pregnant since I have had three negative tests. I just wanted to find out what is going on since my cycle should have started and hasn't and we can't start the next round of fertility treatments until my cycle starts.



What I wasn't expecting him to say is that I now have a noticeable cyst on my left ovary. This is my third ultrasound in three weeks and there was no cyst prior to today's' exam. Cysts are a common side effect of Clomid but the doctor said that he couldn't tell me anything else until he got my lab work back. He didn't even order a pregnancy test because he felt there was no point. Labs ordered were for progesterone and estradiol. I know that progesterone levels increase with pregnancy and this is what causes cycle to begin again in the absence of pregnancy. Still not clear on what estradiol is for. Honestly, I got tired of reading about all of this stuff online.



Now I am waiting for the doctor to call with my lab results which may not come until tomorrow morning. There is no point in going into what this could mean until I hear from the doctor. It is just so frustrating to hear that now as a result of the medication that I have to take in order to improve fertility, there is a complication that could put off the next cycle of treatments.

Clomid and FSH

I finished taking the Clomid that was prescribed to me. It was 50 mg per day for days 3-7. I also had to take Mucinex to help the cervical mucus somehow. According to reports, the side effects can be pretty extreme so I was nervous about taking it, but I came through it with minimal issues. The only side effect that I had was that the left side of my face was tingly and numb for about 12 hours on the first day. No headaches, nausea or any of the other gnarly side effects.

Today was my follow up appointment which was with another doctor since mine is out of the country. During he exam, the doctor was saying a bunch of numbers to the nurse who was writing everything down. Not much of a bedside manner and I had no idea what she was talking about. My regular doctor always lets me look at the ultrasound while he is doing it and points everything out to me.

I was fully prepared to not have had any response to the medication and figured we would have to wait another month and increase the dosage of Clomid. I was wrong! I have two follicles that are almost ready to go. They measured 15.2 and 15.5 mm, respectively. Ideal follicles are at least 18 mm and they grow approximately 2 mm per day. I now have an appointment to go back on Friday for my injection of FSH (follicle stimulating hormone).

We both know that this is not a guarantee but it is nice to see my ovaries actually doing their job! Think good thoughts.

Fertility

I had another appointment with my fertility doctor a week ago and he said that Caleb and I can still have kids on our own, it just may take awhile. I actually started crying in his office. We had already decided to start fertility drugs which the doctor agreed with. I started one of the prescriptions already and then have another appointment in a couple weeks where I will have another pelvic ultrasound and receive an injection. It still isn't a guarantee, but it does increase our chances. Think good thoughts!

Perfect Day

Right now I am drinking coffee and watching the snow coming down outside. My big, fat cat is asleep next to me and the dog is snoring on the floor. The best part is that my baby Carlyn is asleep in the other room. Everything is right in my world.

Sometimes I watch her and am so amazed by the woman she has become. She is one of those people who makes friends wherever she goes, can light up a room with her smile and always has a funny comment that makes me laugh until I cry. I look at her and can still see the five year old girl with the big brown eyes who looked up at me adoringly. I wonder if she realizes that I am often the one who is now looking up at her in the same way.

She is and always will be the best part of our family.

Beautiful

I have just discovered something that is more beautiful than the elk in Yellowstone National Park-Elk medium rare on my plate. Yummy Yummy!